Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind.

Here’s the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their 
idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).

Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called ‘falling’ in love… Because it’s happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, ‘I was swept off my feet.’ Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It’s the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. 

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, ‘Did I marry the right person?’ And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else.  You could.

And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. 

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You can’t ‘find’ LASTING love. You have to ‘make’ it day in and day out. That’s why we have the __expression ‘the labor of love.’ Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.

Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable… you can ‘make’ love.

Love in marriage is indeed a ‘decision’… Not just a feeling.

Remember this always:

‘God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.’ 

Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the illegal lovers and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Then the woman’s husband unexpectedly comes home.

She hides her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy is in there already.
The little Boy says: ‘Dark in here.’
The Man says: ‘Yes, it is.’
Boy: ‘I have a soccer ball; do you want to buy it?’
Man: ‘No, thanks.’
Boy: ‘My dad’s outside, I’ll call him if you don’t buy it!’
Man: ‘OK, how much?’
Boy: ‘$1,000.’

A few weeks later it happened again, and the boy and the lover were in the cupboard together again.

Boy: ‘Dark in here.’
Man: ‘Yes, it is.’
Boy: ‘I have soccer boots.’
The Man, remembering the last time, asks the boy: ‘How much?’
The Boy says:’$5,000.’
The Man says: ‘Fine, I will buy them.’

A few days later, the Father says to the boy:
‘Grab your ball and boots, let’s go outside and have a game.’
The Boy says: ‘I can’t, I sold them for $ 6,000.’
The Father says: ‘That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that…$6,000 is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess your ‘SINS.’

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The Boy says: ‘Dark in here.’

The Priest says: ‘Don’t start that again!’

THIS IS MY CHURCH, NOT YOUR FATHER’S HOUSE!

1. Men are like … Laxatives ….. They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like … Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they
   are.
3. Men are like …Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like .. Blenders You need One, but you’re not quite sure
   why.
5. Men are like … Chocolate Bars …. Sweet, smooth, & they usually
   head right for your hips.
6. Men are like … Commercials ….. You can’t believe a word they
   say.
7. Men are like … Department Stores …. Their clothes are always 1/2
   off!
8. Men are like … Government Bonds …. They take soooooooo long
   to mature.
9. Men are like … Mascara . They usually run at the first sign
   of emotion.
10. Men are like … Popcorn . They satisfy you, but only for a little
    while.
11. Men are like … Snowstorms …. You never know when they’re coming,
    how many inches you’ll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like … Lava Lamps … Fun to look at, but not very
    bright.
13. Men are like … Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest
    are handicapped.

He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch, and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.

On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor’s appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.

The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to
eat breakfast with his wife.

I inquired as to her health; he told me that she had been there for a
while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer’s Disease.

As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late.

He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not
recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, ‘And you still go every morning, even though she doesn’t know who you are’?

He smiled as he patted my hand and said, ‘She doesn’t know me, but I still know who she is’.

I had to hold back tears as he left; I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, ‘That is the kind of love I want in my life’.

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

The happiest people don’t necessarily have the best of everything;
they just make the best of everything they have.

I hope you share this with someone you care about. 

‘Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, But how to dance in the rain.’

“But why ?” asked the judge.

She replied, “Because he is not faithful to me.”

The judge asked, “How do you know?”

She replied, “My lord, not a single child resembles him.”

Husband & Wife - Love Your Enemy
From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, “One month after I die I want you to marry Samy.”

“Samy! But he is your enemy !”

“Yes, I know that ! I’ve suffered all these years so let him suffer now.”

Husband & Wife - Wedding Ring
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? ”

The other replied, “Yes I am, I married the wrong man.”

Husband & Wife - Why?
” Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I’d be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man’s arms. ”
Why, Dad ? Tell me why!”

Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, “Maybe, Son, she didn’t get the fax.”

Husband & Wife - Same Service
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, “When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it’s all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking.”

“Why complain?” said the counselor. “You’re still getting the same service!”

Husband & Wife - Talk About Husband
One woman told another : “My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?”

Husband & Wife - Love To Do
A wife, one evening, drew her husband’s attention to the couple next door and said, “Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don’t you do that?”

“I would love to.” Replied the husband. “But I don’t know her well enough.”

Husband & Wife - No Answer Back
A man was telling his friends, “When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her.”

One of his friends asked.”And when you are angry, what do you do?”

The man replied, “I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back.

Husband & Wife - Come Home Late
A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.

“Take my advice,” said the neighbour, “and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o’clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: “Is that you, Jim?” And that cured him.

“Cured him !” asked the woman, “but how?”

The neighbour said, “You see, his name is Bill.”

Husband & Wife - Problem Father
“You looked troubled,” I told my friend, “what’s your problem?”

He replied, “I’m going to be a father.”

“But that’s wonderful,” I said.

“What’s wonderful? My wife doesn’t know about it yet!.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.

As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he’d given her.

Then………………….. he married the one with the biggest tits.

Men are like that, you know.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, “I’ll give you a $100 if you let me screw you. But the girl said NO.

Johnny said, “I’ll be fast. I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I’ll be finished by the time you pick it up. ”

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend… So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says, “Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won’t even be able to get his pants down.”

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.

Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.

She responded, “The bastard used coins!”
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!

Walking through the gates, the man noticed clocks everywhere?   There were grandfather clocks, wall clocks, watches, and clocks in every corner.

It appeared that heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.

Surprised at how heaven looked, the man asked, “God Siva, what’s the deal?  Why are all these clocks here in heaven?  God Siva replied, “The clocks keep track of things on earth.  There is one clock for each person.

Every time the person on earth tells a lie, his clock moves one minute.”

“For instance, this clock is for Aru, the used car salesman.  If you watch it closely, it will move.

“Click” The minute hand on Aru’s clock moved one minute. “Click” It moved another minute.  “Aru must be into closing a customer right now,” said God Siva.  “The minute hand on his clock moves all day.”

The man and God Siva continued walking.  Soon, they came to a clock with cobwebs on the minute hand.   “Whose clock is this?” asked the man. That clock belongs to the Widow Achi.  She is one of the finest, God-fearing, people on earth. I bet her clock hasn’t moved in a year or two.”

They continued walking and touring heaven.  The man enjoyed watching the clocks of all his friends.  When the tour was finished, the man said, “I’ve seen everyone’s clock but Mr. Samy Vellu’s.  Where is his clock?

God Siva smiled, “Just look up.  We use his clock as a ceiling fan.”

In those days, travel was difficult. It took me three or four days to cover the few hundred kilometres from Guatemala City to the ruined temple complex known as Tical. I travelled up narrow rainforest rivers on oil-soaked fishing boats, down winding dirt roads balanced atop heavily loaded trucks, and through small jungle paths on ramshackle rickshaws. It was a region remote, poor and pristine.

When I finally arrived at the extensive complex of abandoned temples and ancient pyramids, I had neither guide nor guide book to tell me the meaning of those impressive stone monuments pointing to the sky. Nobody was around. So I started climbing one of the tall pyramids.

On reaching the top, I suddenly knew the meaning of the pyramid, its purpose.

For the previous three days, I had been travelling exclusively through jungle. The roads, paths and rivers were like tunnels through the dense greenery. Jungle quickly made a ceiling above any new thoroughfare. I hadn’t seen the horizon for many days. Indeed, I hadn’t seen far distances at all. I was in jungle.

On top of that pyramid, I was above all the tangle of the jungle. Not only could I see where I was in the map-like panorama spread before me, but also I could now see in all directions, with nothing between infinity and me.

Standing up there as if on top of the world, I imagined what it might have been like for a young Mayan Indian who had been born in the jungle, raised in the jungle, who had lived all their life in the jungle. I pictured them in some religious rite of passage being led gently by the hand, by a wise old holy man, up to the summit of a pyramid for the very first time. When they rose above the tree line and beheld their jungle world unfolded and spread out before them, when they gazed beyond the limits of their world to the horizon and above, they would see emptiness above and around, with no thing and no body between them and the infinite. Their hearts would resonate with the clear symbols of Truth. Insights would flower and give their fruit. They would understand their place in their home world, and they would have seen the infinite, the emptiness, which embraces it all. Their life would have found its meaning.~O~

Living meaningfully requires such deep insights. We all need to grant ourselves the time and the peace to climb that pyramid inside each one of us, to rise above and beyond the tangled jungle that is our life, if only for a short time. Then we will see for ourselves our place among things, the overview of our life-journey, and gaze unimpeded at the infinity holding it all. Call that meditation if you will, silent knowing or still seeing. It is just like the Mayan Indian ascending the pyramid and transcending his jungle home, so as to find meaning.~O~

I could tell you what “living meaningfully” is, but that would just add one more philosophy to the confusion of spiritual sciences that you may already be burdened with. One of be beauties of Buddhism is that it does not tell you what to believe, but it tells you how to find out.

For example, for many years, I believed what other people told me about happiness.

When I was 14 years old, I was studying for my O-level examinations in a high school in London. My parents and teachers advised me to stop playing soccer in the evenings and weekends, but instead to stay at home giving the time to my homework. They explained how important the O-level exams were and that if I did well, then I’d be happy.

So I followed their advice and did very well. But it didn’t make me that happy because my success meant that now I must study even harder, for another two years, for the A-level exams. My parents and teachers advised me to stop going out in the evenings and weekends, chasing girls now rather than chasing a football, but instead to stay at home and study. They told me how important the A-level exams were and that if I did well, then I’d be happy.

So I followed their advice and, once again, did very well. But once again, it didn’t make me that happy, because now I had to study hardest of all, for three more long years, at a University for a degree. My parent (my father was now dead) and teachers advised me to steer clear of the bars and parties, but instead to work hard. They told me how essential a University degree is for success in life, and that if I did well, then I’d be happy.

At this point, I started to become suspicious.

I saw some of my older friends who had done well, got their degrees and were working jolly hard. They told me that they were working so hard to save up money to buy something important. When they had enough to buy themselves a car, or a small apartment, then they’d be happy.

When they had bought their small car, they still weren’t too happy. They were struggling in the turmoil of romance, looking for their partner in life. When they were married, they said to me, then they’d be happy.

Once married they would have to work so hard to buy a bigger apartment, or even a dream house. “When we have saved up enough to put down a deposit, then we’ll be happy”, they explained.

Then they would have children to wake them up at night, soak up all their spare money and generate a quantum leap in worry. Happiness would once again be put off. As so many told me, “Once the kids are grown up, left home and settled, then we can do what we want”. Then they’d be happy.

By the time the kids had left home, the parents were staring at retirement. They continued to work hard, investing and saving for their old age. “When I retire”, they said, “Then I’ll be happy”.

Even before they retired, and certainly after, my elderly relatives and friends were all going to church. Have you ever noticed how many old people like going to temples and churches? That is because they all think, “When I die, then I’ll be happy”!

That was the sort of happiness they wanted me to believe in: “When you get this or get that, then you’ll be happy”. Happiness was always a dream in the future, like a rainbow one or two steps ahead, but forever just out of reach. Something was wrong. No one was really happy now.

That is what happens when we simply believe others, rather than seeing the truth for ourselves. If you live your life pursuing possessions, accumulating attachments, even hurrying after heaven - you will discover that you are not living meaningfully.~O~

Many modern media gurus propose that a fulfilling relationship is the key to living meaningfully. Too many of us, I think, buy that line without questioning it fully.

Why is it that we don’t choose our children, yet we love them forever, and unconditionally? Even if they turn out far less than desired, we still love them. On the other hand, although we carefully choose our husband or wife, checking them out more thoroughly than anything else in our life before signing the contract, on the whole we do not love them forever, and certainly never unconditionally! Why?

It is because the love that flows between partners in a relationship is not the same as the love that flows between parents and children.

In an article in Time magazine several years ago entitled, “The Chemistry of Love”, bio-chemists demonstrated that when boy meets girl over a romantic, candle-lit dinner, hormones are secreted into the bloodstream to produce a chemically induced high. Your partner literally “turns you on”. And you love that high, not that person. Or as Time put it, “You love the way they make you feel”. Later, when your body builds up a natural tolerance to those chemicals, your partner doesn’t turn you on any more. So it’s not their fault after all. It is just chemistry. So, please, never shout and get angry with your partner, shout and get angry at the chemistry book instead!

The love between a parent and a child is substantially different. You love them even though there may be nothing in it for you. You love them irrespective of the way they make you feel. It is selfless love, unconditional love.

My father revealed such a love to me when I was only 13, or so. When there was only the two of us sitting in his old car, in a backstreet of West London, he turned round and said to me.

“Son, whatever you do in your life, the door of my house will always be open to you.” Then he drove back to our home.

I was, at the time; too young to understand what he meant, but old enough to know it was something important. I remembered it. Only many years later, long after my father had died, while I was a young monk, did I decipher its real meaning.

His house, our home, was a small rented apartment in a poor area of West London. It wasn’t much of a place to open to anyone. We were never afraid of burglars, because we thought that if a burglar came in and saw our place, then he would probably leave us something out of his own pocket from compassion!

What my father meant, what he was really trying to say was:

“Son, whatever you do in your life, the door to my heart will always be open to you”.

That is what is meant by unconditional love. That is the type of love often found between parents and children. That is selfless love. No-strings-attached love. Freeing love. “Whatever you do in your life, the door to my heart will always be open to you”~O~

Back to relationships, which type of love flows between you and your partner? Here’s a test for you to find out.

Imagine your partner. Do you really love them? Do you want them to be happy? Do you truly care about their well being? Is their happiness the most important thing in the world for you?

Now imagine that you go home from this conference to find that your partner has run off to Paris with your best friend for a steamy affair. How would you feel?

If you really cared for their well being, then you would be thrilled to hear how happy they both are now. If you really loved your partner, you’d be overjoyed that they are now even happier with your best friend than they were with you. If your loved one’s happiness was that important to you, you would be ecstatic - Oh What Joy! — to read that they were having such a great time together in the moonlight by the Seine. You always wanted your partner to be happy, now they are. What’s the problem?~O~

This test makes the point that love in most relationships is selfish love, conditioned love. It is rooted in attachment and branches, sooner or later, into suffering. They say there are three rings in a marriage:

The engagement ring

The wedding ring

And suffer-ring

~O~Selfless love is without attachment. It is rooted in giving and branches, inevitably, into freedom. It is the type of love which says, “Whatever you do, the door of my heart is open to you”. It is the way that we can all live meaningfully.

Such selfless love is the foundation of all charity work. If you give a donation expecting recognition, that is not selfless. If you serve a community wanting to be praised, that is not giving. If you offer your friendship to another wanting something in return, then that is not compassion. Charity, like selfless love, says, “Whatever you do, whoever you are, I give you my heart and share it with you”.

Even monks practise charity. My monastic life is a festival of giving.

A woman called me on the phone an hour before I was to give a public talk.

“Are you speaking tonight?” she politely enquired.

“Yes, madam. The talk begins a 7.30 pm”, I replied.

“How much does it cost to get in?” she continued.

“Nothing, madam, nothing at all”, I explained.

“No, no!” she interrupted, “You don’t understand. How much money do I have to pay?”

“Madam, you don’t have to pay any money. All my talks are free”.

“Listen!” she shouted down the phone line, “DOLLARS! CENTS! How much must I cough up to get through the door?”

“Madam”, I said soothingly, “You don’t cough up any money at the door, neither on the way in nor on the way out. We don’t ask for your name nor press you for a donation. If you don’t like the talk, you may walk out at any time. It’s free”.

There was a long pause.

“Well” she said with sincere consternation, “What do you guys (meaning `monks’) get out of this then?”

“Happiness, madam”, I replied, “We only get happiness”.~O~

Such selfless giving is the difference between living life meanly and living life meaningfully. The more you let go the more richly one lives. That’s why all the donation boxes in my temples in Perth are called “Letting Go Boxes”.

The only thing that makes me sad is when people do not live meaningfully and waste their precious life.

When you live your life meaningfully not only will you die joyfully, but you will also give so much joy to all who meet with you, in your life and in death.

Ajahn Brahm was borned in London and, now lives in a monastery in Australia.  

If you are a sceptical person - still read on as it’s actually very interesting!!
This is actually really freaky!! (Mainly the end part, but read it all first)

1. New York City has 11 letters
2. Afghanistan has 11 letters.
3. Ramsin Yuseb has 11 letters.  (The terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin Towers in 1993) 
4. George W Bush has 11 letters.   

This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets interesting: 

1. New York is the 11th state.
2. The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number 11. 
3. Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11
4. Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers, was carrying 65 passengers. 6 + 5 = 11
5. The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known.  9 + 1+ 1 =11
6. The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number 911.

Sheer coincidence..?

Read on and make up your own mind:

1. The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254.  
   2 + 5 + 4 = 11 
2. September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year.   
3. The Madrid bombing took place on 3/11/2004.   3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11. 
4. The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers incident.

Now this is where things get totally eerie:  
 
The most recognized symbol for the US, after the Stars & Stripes, is the Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Koran, the Islamic holy book:

“For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced: for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was peace.”  

That verse is number 9.11 of the Koran.

Unconvinced about all of this still ..?   

Try this and see how you feel afterwards, it made my hair stand on end:  
Please do the following:

1. Highlight the Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first plane to hit one of the Twin Towers.
2. Change the font size to 48.
3. Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS……………………
     
   What do you think now???? 

Send this to as many people as you know and in 11 minutes you will get a nice surprise, if you don’t you will get the shock of your life in 11 min.