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Management Jokes May 30, 2008

Posted by koky in : Jokes, Management , add a comment

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else…

One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, “I’ll give you a $100 if you let me screw you. But the girl said NO.

Johnny said, “I’ll be fast. I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I’ll be finished by the time you pick it up. ”

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend… So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says, “Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won’t even be able to get his pants down.”

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.

Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.

She responded, “The bastard used coins!”
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!

Ten Powerful Tips to Create Wealth April 20, 2008

Posted by koky in : Management , add a comment
  1. Pay Yourself First
    Nothing is more important than this; You worked for it so you deserve it.
    Unfortunately, most people work for the banks (more than half of their salary goes to their credit card payment, housing loan and car loan).
    Put aside 10-20% of your salary in investments that are yielding at least 6% returns (to surpass inflation).

  2. Take Advantage of Compounding Interests
    Avoid procrastination; the earlier you start, the faster compounding interests work in your favour.
    It may not seem like much but accumulatively it pays.
    At 8%, a 20 year old would only need to put aside RM435 per month to have a million ringgit at retirement. A 45 year old would need to put aside RM5500 per month to achieve a similar figure.
  3. Pay Off the Credit Card Debts, Mortgage and Other Loans
    If you are not currently paying your credit card debts in full evey month, this is the first thing that you should do even before considering investments.
    At 12-15% interest annually, you’re better off paying these debts rather than investing in something that gives you 6% per annum.
  4. Don’t Put All Your Eggs in One Basket
    Diversify.
    Opportunities are everywhere, invest wisely.
    Understand the Risk
  5. Be aware, be alert and don’t act on impulse.
  6. Don’t Try to Time the Market
    Understand the difference between investment and speculation.
  7. Spend Within Your Means
    Use cash; credit cards should be used only for emergency purposes.
  8. Keep Money Aside for Emergencies
    Keep at least 6 months’ expenses in conservative investments.
  9. Avoid Acting as a Guarantor
    Beware, this will not benefit you. If you’re unlucky, it can destroy whatever you’ve built over time.
  10. Ensure You Are Insured
    Have an insurance policy that safeguards you and your loved ones.

Beware of Management Talk February 15, 2008

Posted by koky in : Leadership, Management , add a comment

Sometimes when your boss speaks to you, words that he uses may have totally different meaning from how you would have understood him. Beware of what we term as management talk. See some of the examples below.

  1. Outgoing Personality - Always going out of office.
  2. Great Presentation Skills - Able to bullshit.
  3. Good Communication Skills - Spends a lot of time on the phone.
  4. Work is First Priority - Too ugly to get a date.
  5. Active Socially - Drinks a lot.
  6. Independent worker - Nobody knows what he/she does.
  7. Quick Thinking - Offers plausible excuses.
  8. Careful Thinker - Won’t make a decision.
  9. Uses Logic on Difficult Jobs - Gets someone else to do it.
  10. Expresses Themselves Well - Speaks English
  11. Meticulous Attention To Detail - A nit picker
  12. Has Leadership Qualities - Is tall or has a loud voice.
  13. Exceptionally Good Judgement - Lucky
  14. Keen Sense of Humour - Knows a lot of dirty jokes.
  15. Career Minded - Back stabber
  16. Loyal - Can’t get a job anywhere else
  17. Plans for Promotion/Advancement - Buys drinks for all the boys
  18. Of Great Value to the Organization - Gets to work on time.
  19. Relaxed Attitude - Sleeps at desk.

My Boss and I January 5, 2008

Posted by koky in : Management , add a comment

When I take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough

When I don’t do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,

When I do something without being told,
I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,

When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
he is cooperating,

When I make a mistake,
you’re an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
he’s only human.

When I am out of the office,
I am wandering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
he’s on business.

When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
he must be very ill.

When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an interview
When my boss applies for leave,
it’s because he’s overworked

When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets