It’s Dark in here July 4, 2008
Posted by koky in : Jokes , add a commentWoman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.
Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the illegal lovers and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Then the woman’s husband unexpectedly comes home.
She hides her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy is in there already.
The little Boy says: ‘Dark in here.’
The Man says: ‘Yes, it is.’
Boy: ‘I have a soccer ball; do you want to buy it?’
Man: ‘No, thanks.’
Boy: ‘My dad’s outside, I’ll call him if you don’t buy it!’
Man: ‘OK, how much?’
Boy: ‘$1,000.’
A few weeks later it happened again, and the boy and the lover were in the cupboard together again.
Boy: ‘Dark in here.’
Man: ‘Yes, it is.’
Boy: ‘I have soccer boots.’
The Man, remembering the last time, asks the boy: ‘How much?’
The Boy says:’$5,000.’
The Man says: ‘Fine, I will buy them.’
A few days later, the Father says to the boy:
‘Grab your ball and boots, let’s go outside and have a game.’
The Boy says: ‘I can’t, I sold them for $ 6,000.’
The Father says: ‘That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that…$6,000 is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess your ‘SINS.’
They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The Boy says: ‘Dark in here.’
The Priest says: ‘Don’t start that again!’
THIS IS MY CHURCH, NOT YOUR FATHER’S HOUSE!
Men are like…. June 30, 2008
Posted by koky in : Jokes , add a commentFor all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here’s an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
- Men are like … Laxatives ….. They irritate the crap out of you.
- Men are like … Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they
are. - Men are like …Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
- Men are like .. Blenders You need One, but you’re not quite sure
why. - Men are like … Chocolate Bars …. Sweet, smooth, & they usually
head right for your hips. - Men are like … Commercials ….. You can’t believe a word they
say. - Men are like … Department Stores …. Their clothes are always 1/2
off! - Men are like … Government Bonds …. They take soooooooo long
to mature. - Men are like … Mascara . They usually run at the first sign
of emotion. - Men are like … Popcorn . They satisfy you, but only for a little
while. - Men are like … Snowstorms …. You never know when they’re coming,
how many inches you’ll get or how long it will last. - Men are like … Lava Lamps … Fun to look at, but not very
bright. - Men are like … Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest
are handicapped.
Husband and Wife Jokes June 16, 2008
Posted by koky in : Jokes, Life , add a commentHusband & Wife - Why divorce?
In a divorce court a woman requested the judge: “Your honor, I want to divorce my husband.”
“But why ?” asked the judge.
She replied, “Because he is not faithful to me.”
The judge asked, “How do you know?”
She replied, “My lord, not a single child resembles him.”
Husband & Wife - Love Your Enemy
From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, “One month after I die I want you to marry Samy.”
“Samy! But he is your enemy !”
“Yes, I know that ! I’ve suffered all these years so let him suffer now.”
Husband & Wife - Wedding Ring
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? ”
The other replied, “Yes I am, I married the wrong man.”
Husband & Wife - Why?
” Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I’d be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man’s arms. ”
Why, Dad ? Tell me why!”
Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, “Maybe, Son, she didn’t get the fax.”
Husband & Wife - Same Service
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, “When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it’s all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking.”
“Why complain?” said the counselor. “You’re still getting the same service!”
Husband & Wife - Talk About Husband
One woman told another : “My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?”
Husband & Wife - Love To Do
A wife, one evening, drew her husband’s attention to the couple next door and said, “Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don’t you do that?”
“I would love to.” Replied the husband. “But I don’t know her well enough.”
Husband & Wife - No Answer Back
A man was telling his friends, “When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her.”
One of his friends asked.”And when you are angry, what do you do?”
The man replied, “I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back.
Husband & Wife - Come Home Late
A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.
“Take my advice,” said the neighbour, “and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o’clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: “Is that you, Jim?” And that cured him.
“Cured him !” asked the woman, “but how?”
The neighbour said, “You see, his name is Bill.”
Husband & Wife - Problem Father
“You looked troubled,” I told my friend, “what’s your problem?”
He replied, “I’m going to be a father.”
“But that’s wonderful,” I said.
“What’s wonderful? My wife doesn’t know about it yet!.
Choosing a wife June 4, 2008
Posted by koky in : Jokes , add a commentA man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.
As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he’d given her.
Then………………….. he married the one with the biggest tits.
Men are like that, you know.
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
Management Jokes May 30, 2008
Posted by koky in : Jokes, Management , add a commentJohnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else…
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, “I’ll give you a $100 if you let me screw you. But the girl said NO.
Johnny said, “I’ll be fast. I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I’ll be finished by the time you pick it up. ”
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend… So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says, “Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won’t even be able to get his pants down.”
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.
Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.
She responded, “The bastard used coins!”
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!
Clock in Heaven May 23, 2008
Posted by koky in : Jokes , add a commentAn Indian man died and went to heaven. When he arrived at the heaven Gate, Siva the God said, “Come on in. I’ll show you around. You’ll like it here.”
Walking through the gates, the man noticed clocks everywhere? There were grandfather clocks, wall clocks, watches, and clocks in every corner.
It appeared that heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.
Surprised at how heaven looked, the man asked, “God Siva, what’s the deal? Why are all these clocks here in heaven? God Siva replied, “The clocks keep track of things on earth. There is one clock for each person.
Every time the person on earth tells a lie, his clock moves one minute.”
“For instance, this clock is for Aru, the used car salesman. If you watch it closely, it will move.
“Click” The minute hand on Aru’s clock moved one minute. “Click” It moved another minute. “Aru must be into closing a customer right now,” said God Siva. “The minute hand on his clock moves all day.”
The man and God Siva continued walking. Soon, they came to a clock with cobwebs on the minute hand. “Whose clock is this?” asked the man. That clock belongs to the Widow Achi. She is one of the finest, God-fearing, people on earth. I bet her clock hasn’t moved in a year or two.”
They continued walking and touring heaven. The man enjoyed watching the clocks of all his friends. When the tour was finished, the man said, “I’ve seen everyone’s clock but Mr. Samy Vellu’s. Where is his clock?
God Siva smiled, “Just look up. We use his clock as a ceiling fan.”
The Secret about Number 11 May 9, 2008
Posted by koky in : Jokes , add a commentPretty Chilling - read to the bottom. Try it out.
If you are a sceptical person - still read on as it’s actually very interesting!!
This is actually really freaky!! (Mainly the end part, but read it all first)
- New York City has 11 letters
- Afghanistan has 11 letters.
- Ramsin Yuseb has 11 letters. (The terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin Towers in 1993)
- George W Bush has 11 letters.
This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets interesting:
- New York is the 11th state.
- The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number 11.
- Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11
- Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers, was carrying 65 passengers. 6 + 5 = 11
- The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9 + 1+ 1 =11
- The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number 911.
Sheer coincidence..?
Read on and make up your own mind:
- The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254.
2 + 5 + 4 = 11 - September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year.
- The Madrid bombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.
- The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers incident.
Now this is where things get totally eerie:
The most recognized symbol for the US, after the Stars & Stripes, is the Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Koran, the Islamic holy book:
“For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced: for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was peace.”
That verse is number 9.11 of the Koran.
Unconvinced about all of this still ..?
Try this and see how you feel afterwards, it made my hair stand on end:
Please do the following:
- Highlight the Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first plane to hit one of the Twin Towers.
- Change the font size to 48.
- Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS……………………
What do you think now????
Send this to as many people as you know and in 11 minutes you will get a nice surprise, if you don’t you will get the shock of your life in 11 min.
Why I forward you a joke April 29, 2008
Posted by koky in : Jokes, Life , add a commentA man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.
He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, ‘Excuse me, where are we?’
‘This is Heaven, sir,’ the man answered.
’Wow! Would you happen to have some water?’ the man asked.
‘Of course, sir, Come right in, and I’ll have some ice water brought right up.’
The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
‘Can my friend,’ gesturing toward his dog, ‘come in, too?’ the traveler asked.
‘I’m sorry; sir, but we don’t accept pets.’
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
‘Excuse me!’ he called to the man. ‘Do you have any water?’
‘Yeah, sure, there’s a pump over there, come on in.’
‘How about my friend here?’ the traveler gestured to the dog.
‘There should be a bowl by the pump.’
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.
The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, and then he gave some to the dog.
When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
‘What do you call this place?’ the traveler asked.
‘This is Heaven,’ he answered.
‘Well, that’s confusing,’ the traveler said. ‘The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.’
‘Oh, you mean the place with the gold streets and pearly gates? Nope. That’s hell.’
‘Doesn’t it make you mad for them to use your name like that?’
‘No, we’re just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.’
Soooo …
Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word.
Maybe this will explain.
When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes.
When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.
When you have something to say, but don’t know what, and don’t know how, you forward jokes.
Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?
A forwarded joke:
So, next time if you get a joke, don’t think that you’ve been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you’ve been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.
You are all welcome @ my water bowl anytime.
Smart Indian Boy in US College March 20, 2008
Posted by koky in : Education, Jokes , add a commentIt was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, ‘Let’s begin by reviewing some American History.
Who said ‘Give me Liberty , or give me Death’?
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:
‘Patrick Henry, 1775′ he said.
‘Very good!’
Who said ‘Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?’
Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar.
‘Abraham Lincoln, 1863′ said Chandrasekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, ‘Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more! About its history than you do.’
She heard a loud whisper: ‘Fuck the Indians,’
‘Who said that?’ she demanded.
Chandrasekhar put his hand up.
‘General Custer, 1862.’
At that point, a student in the back said, ‘I’m gonna puke.’
The teacher glares around and asks ‘All right! Now, who said that?’
Again, Chandrasekhar says, ‘George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.’
Now furious, another student yells, ‘Oh yeah? Suck this!’
Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher , ‘Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!’
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said ‘You little shit. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.’
Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ‘ Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004..’
The teacher fainted.
And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, ‘Oh shit, we’re fucked!’
And Chandrasekhar said quietly, I think it was George Bush, Iraq , 2007.’
Free Haircut in New York March 8, 2008
Posted by koky in : Jokes , add a commentThere once was a very good old barber in New York. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut,he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: “I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.” The Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: “I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.” The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop,there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.
A Singaporean software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: “I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service. The Singaporean software engineer is happy and leaves. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there…
Try to guess………..
Well, here is the answer……… A dozen fellow Singaporeans are waiting for their free haircut in New York.